Partners of Attraction
by lallyzippo
Summary: Neji and Tenten are partners. No, not lovers, partners. Partners in a very questionable activity...Crack pairing TentenKabuto, onesided SakuraTenten onesided KibaNeji. Oneshot.


**I'm typing this 'cause…Well, I've had the uncontrollable urge to do what Neji and Tenten will be doing in this fic.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

_Screw Sasuke! This new guy's so cute!_ Sakura goggled at the stranger sitting near her and Naruto at Ichiraku's. Yeah, thankfully she had given up her Sasuke-driven obsession a while ago after she realized he was not coming back and he was not going to fall in love with her. So, as most single women do, she went boy-hunting.

Naruto had already engaged in a conversation with Ichigo. Sakura sighed. Just that _name_ was cute! Apparently they were talking about ramen…

"Oi! So, ya like Chicken ramen?"

"Yes. I find beef ramen…slightly bitter." He smiled.

_Swoon!_ Sakura was feeling dizzy. Just looking at his adorable chocolate eyes made her blush. And his manner of speech…He had such perfect grammar!

"HEY! Hello Sakura-chan!" Lee yelled from across the street. Apparently he had been walking by and decided to yell a good morning to her. Of course, it's not like SHE cared. Sakura rolled her eyes. Lee was kind of annoying. Sure he was nice, but all that GREEN and his FLAWLESS grammar! She snorted and went back to eavesdropping on Naruto and Ichigo-_kun_.

"Huh? Bitter?" Naruto squinted and scratched his head. "I just think all ramen is pretty darn good…"

"Uh, that's good, Naruto!" Ichigo gave a nervous smile, "That just shows you have wide variety you like! You're not picky!" He gave a nervous smile.

Naruto gave him a confident smile. "Yeah, that's me!"

Sakura blushed. Yeah. Hot AND sensitive. He was P.E.R.F.E.C.T. She imagined undoing that sexy ponytail as she finished her ramen.

Of course, Sakura wasn't the only one with her eye on the fair Ichigo. Across the street, a masked figure watched the new boy intently. He licked his lips like the gay man he was.

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Kiba slammed his head down on the library desk. What was he doing here? This was so boring! He wanted to leave right then, but he knew that was impossible.

Let me explain: After Kiba's "sprinkler" incident at the Nara household (which many random passers saw, including his teammates) and the hydrant he ripped open was found, AND when his sister found out he forgot Akamaru at the vet for like, a week or two, many suggested he do community service, since it would be less stressful on his mind. People thought he was going crazy with all that violence on the ninja field. Whose idea was it to turn twelve-year-olds into killing machines, again? **(1)**

_Well,_ here he was, taking the librarian's place for the day, fulfilling his duty for community service. But none of his friends ever came in here! Only old people, and to top it off, _Sakura_. He shuddered.

"Excuse me."

Kiba looked up boredly. He was immediately snapped out of his boredom. She was the _cutest thing ever_. Seriously, she was. The way her raven-hair was let loose was _amazing_ and her layered shirt made her look _so freaking adorable_.

Kiba was having a hard time finding his voice.

She showed a pleased smirk for a quick moment, and then hid it as quickly as it had come. "I'm looking for books on the Third Shinobi War."

"Ah-h-h…Uhhh…O-Ove, um…" He weakly pointed in the direction of her desired book, and she was gone as quickly as she had come.

Kiba tugged on the librarian's assistant's shirt. "I wanna stock the books," he said in a crazy, desperate voice.

"…Earlier you said you'd rather—"

"STOCK THE BOOKS!" He shook the man by his collar. Then he realized people were looking at him fearfully, so he grabbed the book cart and chugged off.

Throughout the day, he found every excuse to go see the raven-haired chick. And he was utterly exhausted by night. That's when he noticed her get up and leave. Of course, he rushed after her.

But as he followed her, he couldn't summon up the courage to yell at her and let her know he was there…

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"HAHAHA! Oh, that was great, Ichigo!" Naruto wiped a tear from his eye.

Ichigo would've had a sweat drop if this was an anime. But it's not. Which sucks, but yeah… "It…wasn't THAT funny Naruto…" He mumbled.

"Uh, yes it was!" Sakura fluttered her eyelashes.

She clearly saw him wince. "Uh, o-okay then." He put his money on the counter. "Bye, guys! Great having ramen with you, Naruto." He smiled and walked off.

"Man, what a nice guy," Naruto smiled as he finished up his twelfth bowl of ramen or something.

"_Great having ramen with you, Naruto"? I WAS HERE TOO!_ Yeah, so Inner Sakura started flipping out over the fact that Ichigo had noticed _Naruto_ and not _her._ So she punched Naruto in the gut and he flew across the street.

"HEY! YOU JUST PUNCHED MY NUMBER ONE CUSTOMER! NEVER COME BACK HERE!" Old Man Ichiraku yelled at Sakura. Then he chucked a bowl of ramen at her.

…Okay, so he didn't, but that would've been pretty funny.

But he did tell her to never come back. Sakura was too busy planning her Ichigo stocking maneuvers to notice, though. So, she ran out of Ichiraku, after a poor, unsuspecting Ichigo.

But, in the background shadows, Kabuto removed his mask. Maybe…He had a chance now…to find love…After all, Orochimaru-sama only cared for that _Sasuke-baka_ now. He jumped off after Sakura in the darkness.

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"Oooooooh, SASUKE-KUN!" Orochimaru cooed.

Sasuke, panting and sweating, dove into a trash can. No WAY was he going to be caught by that twisted, sicko pedophile AGAIN! He shuddered.

Orochimaru walked by the trash can, looked around and walked off, still cooing Sasuke's name. You would've thought he would be like, "Hm, seeing as I am a ninja, and I should know where hiding people are, I should be able to guess that perhaps Sasuke is in the trash can since there was clattering over here a second ago."

Let's just say Orochimaru isn't as great as some people like to make him.

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Ichigo entered a nice-sized shed, and looked around nervously. Then he heard the door close behind him. He turned around to meet the gaze of the raven-haired girl. He let out a sigh of relief. "Oi, Neji, it's only you." His voice had become considerably higher.

Neji 'hmped'. "So…How'd things go for you…Tenten?"

Tenten let her ponytail loose and tied her hair into her usual buns. "I had a good conversation with Naruto…and Sakura…well, she _hit_ on me."

Neji blinked and then smirked. He let out a chuckle as he wiped the make-up off his face and took off his skirt.

"It's not funny baka!"

"AHHHHH!" Neji and Tenten turned around, as Kiba crashed through the window, shattering the glass. And, strangely enough, Sakura burst in at that moment as well. "OMIGOSH! ICHIGO-KUN! I HEARD A CRASH And…" She stopped talking when she saw Tenten and Neji standing in the shed. She didn't bother to notice poor, bleeding Kiba because she's just heartless like that. I bet the heartless on Kingdom Hearts were modeled after her. Cough, uh yeah, anyway…**(2)**

Neji had like…NO pants on, and make-up was smeared all over his face, and Tenten was there, with boy's clothes on. In fact, they looked a lot like…ICHIGO'S?

"…Ichi…go…?" Sakura barely got the words out.

"HUH?" Kabuto fell off the ceiling.

"…Kabuto?"

"What?" He looked annoyed with Sakura.

"…What's going on?"

Kiba stopped his moaning and groaning and looked as equally confused as Sakura and Kabuto. But he was still bleeding and stuff. Poor Kiba :'(

Neji and Tenten looked red. I mean baby-just-got-it's-butt-spanked red. Which is pretty red if you didn't already realize that.

"Uhh…" They were talking unison. "Weremcrzztrissnpernrz…"

"What?" (Kiba, Sakura, and Kabuto)

"We're cross-dressing partners!" They yelled.

Sakura fainted.

Kiba blinked.

Kabuto got a nosebleed. "That's so hot."

Neji and Tenten blinked. "I'm not gay Kabuto," Neji hissed.

"I wasn't talking to you," Kabuto looked at Tenten. "Dude, and I thought I was GAY!" He laughed.

"…You think it's hot?" Tenten squeaked, turning orange, because there was no darker shade of red for her to turn.

"Yup." They stared at each other. "You wanna get some coffee?"

"YES!" Tenten grabbed his hand and they shot out the door.

Neji and Kiba stared at the door for a second before Kiba asked, "…Um, WHY were you cross-dressing?"

Neji shrugged. "I wanted to know what it would be like to be a girl, and Tenten wanted to know what it would be like to be a guy, and Lee and Gai-Sensei are always training, so…"

"Huh…"

There was silence.

"…And I thought I was STRAIGHT!" Kiba launched himself at Neji, but as we all know, Neji is a talented bastard who can dodge at the speed of light, which is why Kiba slammed into a wall and got knocked out cold.

Sakura jolted up at this point. "…Where'd Tenten go?" She looked at Neji.

He nodded towards the doorway.

Sakura jumped up and booked it out the door. "TENTEN! COME BACK! I LOVE YOU!"

Neji decided to leave as well. He left Kiba there on purpose for two reasons: 1) Neji is a bastard who is not gay and 2) Kiba's on the same team as Hinata who is part of the Main House; therefore he would indirectly be hurting the Main Branch House. And hurting the Main Branch is the only reason he breathes.

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Kiba got home several hours into the morning, where his older, very much pissed sister was waiting for him.

"KIBA! Where were you? I was worried! And the library said you left early…"

"Oh, hey Hana," Kiba replied as he walked through the door. "I was stalking Neji."

"YOU COULD'V—Wait, what?"

"Don't you think he's hot? I'm soooooo gonna make sweet monkey love with him next time I see him. Well, g'night!" With that, he walked into the living room.

Hana just stared in her brother's direction. For a long time. A VERY long time. Then she picked up the phone to call the looney bin.

**Cough. Yeah, THE END. I have had the urge to dress up like a guy, as creepy as it may sound. I just wanna see if I can pull it off. Well, read and review.**

**(1)—That part was in my other Naruto oneshot called "SPRINKLERS!"**

**(2)—I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**


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